Picking up from where I left off...
I've been writing - as of late - about what forgiveness is and what it is not. It has been my experience that for many people (including many Christians) are unable to experience the power of true forgiveness in their lives because they misunderstand what forgiveness is, what forgiveness does and does not imply, and who forgiveness is for. My previous posts address the second and third points listed. Today, I'd like to spend a little time talking about a workable definition of forgiveness.
I've been asked on different occasions: "How do I know when I have forgiven someone for what they did to me?"
The late Christian ethicist, Lewis Smedes, wrote in his book The Art of Forgiveness that forgiveness happens when you truly wish someone well. I believe this is a place to start for a definition. For someone who is looking for a more "Christian-ese" definition, I say that forgiveness happens when you can say to the other person: "Peace be with you" or "The peace of Christ be with you."
I believe when we can say to the person who has wronged us: "Peace be with you" (even if we mean it just a little bit), we are on the path of forgiveness.
Where does this idea come from?
This thought came to me last year as I was preparing a sermon for the first Sunday following Easter. I had spent a lot of time in the Gospel of John that year and I remembered the story of Jesus' first resurrection appearance following the tomb in John 20.
Beginning at verse 19 we find the disciples were fearing the Jews and had locked themselves inside of a house. Jesus appears to them and says: "Peace be with you." I should know the Greek, but I can't recall it off the top of my head. But as a budding Hebrew instructor I can say that the Hebrew equivalent is "Shalom aleikhem."
Shalom (peace)
aleikhem (with / upon y'all)
And so it is here in this one text where we find the One who was abandoned on the cross by His disciples, appears to them in the midst of their fear and says to them: "Peace be with you!" I'd like to think this is the equivalent of saying "I forgive you" in our terms today. Jesus says it not once, but twice in just a couple of verses. "Peace be with you!"
So, Smedes says when you wish someone well you can know that you have forgiven. For those who like more of a Christian slant, we may say when we bless someone with the peace of Christ, we can know we have forgiven.
Some Final Thoughts on Steps
1. We need to recognize our flawed humanity. Each of us is flawed. We have this stuff called "sin" in our lives and so we're all on equal ground. We say and do things that hurt others. We've all been there, done that, and gotten the bumper sticker.
2. We need to remember what Christ has already done on our behalf. What Scripture tells us is that we are already forgiven for all the crap and sin and junk because of what Jesus has done. What we need to do is grab hold of the radical forgiveness which is only through Jesus Christ, the Messiah, by saying Yes to Christ.
3. We need to relinquish control. We need to let go of the desire to get even with those who hurt or wrong us no matter how badly we want to hurt them back. "Vengeance is mine" says the LORD. When we relinquish control, we are imitating Christ, who had the authority and power to get even, but He didn't. He surrendered himself to the "one who judges justly" - that is, His heavenly Father.
So...what steps have you taken lately to forgive? To what lengths will you go?
Other ideas on forgiveness? Anyone?
