Bringing Dawit Home - Days 3 & 4

On Friday, we woke early again but this time at Negash Lodge.  Negash is know for their black and white monkeys that live in the trees there and honestly, this is the main reason I wanted to stay here.  So, we got ready and headed down to the green area (everything there is green) with the big trees the monkeys like to hang out in.  We looked and looked and saw nothing.  I have to say, I was disappointed, but of course, our main and most important reason for coming to Woliso happened, so I got over it.  We ate breakfast with Alemu and then headed down the road back to Addis.  About 10 minutes later, we stopped at a traditional home for the Woliso region.  Nope, Alemu didn't know this farmer, but said that we could stop anyway and they would welcome us into their home with open arms.  So we did!  I posted a ton of pictures on Facebook that I took while we stopped.

When we arrived back in Addis, we ate lunch at a restaurant called Green View and had pizza.  Well, Alemu still had injera and fish.  Then we went a couple businesses down the sidewalk and had Macchiatos again at a coffee place.  This is where we met our driver for the rest of our trip, Joel.  Joel has a small car so we crammed all our luggage in, said goodbye to Alemu and Biniyam, and then Joel took us to the Family Morning Coffee Guesthouse where we would be staying the rest of our trip.   Joel is super nice and speaks English very well and is super knowledgable about Ethiopian as he is Ethiopian.  He also knows a lot about international adoption as he has worked for an agency in the past.

When we arrived at the guesthouse, we met Birtukan, the wife of the owner of the guesthouse.  Birtukan also knows a ton of English and runs the guesthouse with her 5 children, a niece and several others.  She led us to our room and it immediately felt like home.  There is a queen bed, twi bunkbeds, a crib she added the next morning, a bathroom with a shower, and a balcony.  This guesthouse has 5 stories and a tiled roof which has amazing views of Addis.  The building right next to the guesthouse is under construction so we have been able to witness men using the crazy scaffolding firsthand.    

We met a family of 9 staying here (2 sets of Grandparents, 2 daughters not related, and 3 children adopted from Ethiopia about 5 years ago).  Crazy story about how this blended family came to be and why they are traveling in Ethiopia right now.  Ask me later about their awesome story.

We ate dinner Friday night at the guesthouse with this group of 9.    It is amazing how quickly you can get to know people when your hearts share similar passions!

Saturday morning, we ate breakfast again with the group of 9 (pancakes, bananas and mangos, coffee and fresh squeezed juice).   Then we got ready for Joel to pick us up at 10 to TAKE CUSTODY OF DAWIT! I have to admit, I was quite scared about how Dawit would react to us taking him away from everything and everyone he knows.  And how I would respond to him.  I admitted these feelings at breakfast and these two amazing adoptive mamas totally related and understood.   They were leaving at 10 as well for their day and we made a circle and they prayed for us and Dawit.  Like I said, amazing new friends!

We drove about 10-15 minutes to Engida and had to walk down the gravel road again as it was "closed" for repairs (large rocks were put on the road at the end to block cars from driving through).  We rang the bell and knocked on the metal gate and were let inside the Engida gate.  Dawit was playing with his friends in the first room inside, which is the playroom (maybe 10' by 14'?)  Our awesome driver started taking pictures with our camera for us so we got our first picture with all three of us.

Dawit found my sunglasses in his diaper bag. What a cutie pie!!

Then the nurse called us in another room with Dawit to change the bandage on his finger.  His finger got caught in a door hinge when another child was closing a door - maybe a week ago or so.  It was ex-rayed and it is not broken, but he did loose his little finger nail.  He did not like getting the bandage changed at all, but he was so brave despite.

After this time, Josh asked the nurse all of our questions about Dawit so that we could make his adjustment as seamless as possible.  Joel helped us translate when we couldn't understand eachother, which was wonderful.

 Then we gathered in the playroom again for a group picture.  After the picture, the caregivers all gave Dawit very quick and loving hugs and sort of shuffled us out the door.  And that was it, we were walking down the road on our way back to Joel's car but this time with Dawit on my hip.  I had tears streaming down my face as I tried to pull it together for my son.

All four of the caregivers that were there that morning were fighting tears as we said goodbye.  I cannot imagine how difficult it is for them to say goodbye.  And in the next 2 weeks, there will be several more goodbyes as there are 6 other families coming to finalize their adoptions.  Please pray with me both for the children being adopted, the children left behind and these precious caregivers.

While Joel drove us back to the guesthouse, I sat in the back with Dawit on my lap.  He was doing great until all of a sudden he got scared and started crying.  But the snack cup with sweet potato puffs did wonders by distracting him.

We spent most of the afternoon and evening in our room getting to know each other.  Josh was able to get him to smile and giggle.  He says "ababa", which means Daddy, but he has not said Mommy yet.  He loved infant Oatmeal cereal and the puffs.  He definitely knows what he likes and doesn't like.  He also loves the board book that I made him with pictures of him and his new family and home.  He carried it with him everywhere on Saturday.  He took a 2 and a half hour nap on Saturday and slept through the night without any struggles.  We are in awe of how well he is doing so far, but I can also tell it will take a lot more time to attach to us.  Thank you for your continued prayers.

Bringing Dawit Home - Day 2

Wow!! I am not even sure where to start. We have been sooo busy.

Thursday morning, Josh and I woke up around 3AM and could not fall back asleep. We got ready and went down for breakfast on the 2^nd floor of our hotel around 6:30A. There was a huge buffet of foods, mostly Ethiopian, which of course, Josh was very eager to try. We checked out of the hotel, bought more water at the bar, and then our driver, Biniyam, picked us up and started driving. Around 30 minutes in, we stopped along the side of the road and picked up Gezahegne (our legal support here in Addis). Another 15 minutes of driving and we were at the Ethiopian courthouse - a large building with numerous floors. We were patted down by police officers at the door and then we proceeded to the 3^rd floor to a small courtroom. No cameras were allowed and we were told to leave our backpacks in the car. In the room, there were 6 pews, the judge’s desk and chair with a railing around 3 sides for someone to testify. Nothing on the cement walls or floors. While we waited around 15 minutes, several more groups of people were ushered in the room and they all looked like they were parents preparing to adopt. Some had their other children along too. And all had an Ethiopian legal representative with them. Then, a side door opened and we were led into the judge’s chambers, a small office with a desk and 6 or so guest chairs. The judge sat at his desk and his assistant sat next to the desk. For the next 5 minutes, he asked us many yes or no questions and checked off our responses on a form. He asked us questions about our family and if we had other children, if we lived in the country or city, if we knew others who had adopted from Ethiopia and if we maintained contact with them. He talked in English and very quietly. I remember Josh and I both sitting on the edges of our seats and leaning in so we could understand him At the end of the form, he signed his name really big at the bottom and we were done. Then I asked (because our agency told me to) if he would expedite the official final letter as were staying in country, and he smiled and said he would do so and it would be done in 15 minutes. When we left the chambers, the courtroom was standing room only, so we waited in the lobby area of the third floor. The center of every floor in the building was open air and the walls came up to a railing so you could see both up and down every floor. There was a skylight at the top, so everything was all lit up with daylight. After 15 minutes the assistant came out and gave Gezahegne a piece of paper. For the next hour and half we followed him around the building to get copies in a room with a copy machine and someone working it, then we went to another room where someone did something and then back to the copy machine room and then back to the room we came from, and then finally to a room upstairs again where we waited and waited. We ended up leaving before we got the official letter and Gezahegne said he would return in the afternoon to get it.

I asked if we could go back to Engida to see Dawit and Alemu said it was not possible today. Honestly, I was very disappointed because this is what we were planning on and had been told would happen. However, I didn’t push it.

We dropped Gezahegne off on the side of the road and then our driver took us to a museum at the Addis Ababa University. We were led by a guide who talked our way through every display. The electricity was out so the only light was that from the windows. And if you know me, backlight almost always gives me a migraine - and lo and behold - a migraine came 5 minutes into the tour. I couldn’t read anything, but Josh said he had a good time. Unfortunately, the aura flashes from the migraine wouldn’t go away even after 40 minutes, so we cut the tour short and left.

Then we drove to Alemu’s office, a green door in the wall, and waited to pick him up. Alemu joined us and this was the first we had really seen him, other than meeting him in the lobby the first day. Alemu speaks English, but our driver, Biniyam, not so much. So it was nice to have Alemu with us. Then we started the drive to Woliso, Ethiopia - Dawit’s hometown. But, on the way, we stopped at Engida to see Dawit. But he was sleeping, so we just peeked in and watched him sleep.

Dawit, sound asleep in his crib at Engida Orphanage, Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Then we got back in the car and headed for Woliso.  On the way we stopped at a hotel to eat lunch. I ordered roasted chicken and it sure was roasted. I never did get to eat any of the chicken. It had been roasted and re-roasted so many times I couldn’t physically pull the leg from the thigh. Even Josh tried but it never came apart. No way was I going to be able to bite into it. So I ate some rice and a roll. I also tried injera with some beef from Alemu’s plate. I swallowed the injera fine, but the beef was a different story. It was all fat and no meat. Oh well.  After lunch we each had Macchiatos, which are Alemu's favorite, it seems.  

After a 2.5 hour drive we made it to the town of Woliso. We first went to AbdiWaq Orphanage where Dawit spent the first 8 months of his life. This was a very large orphanage with many children of all ages. None of the babies had diapers on. There were four different children sitting on potty chairs outside on the walkway. We didn’t stay long, but long enough to see which crib was Dawit’s.

Dawit's bed was the one with the yellow sheet.  

Then we went to St. Lukas Catholic Hospital. Two nurses brought us around the maternity ward. We were not allowed to take cameras into the hospital. The recovery room was lined with hospital beds on each side of the room like what we see today in WW2 movies.  This was an emotional stop for both of us.

We got in the car again and drove another 5 minutes to the Negash Lodge where we stayed the night. We checked in and had 50 minutes before we had to meet Alemu for dinner. Apparently our driver walked down the road and stayed at a different hotel. Josh and I walked around a bit before it got dark and took pictures of some of the other houses/rooms. This lodge was originally built by the government but is now privately owned. Each room is a type of traditional home from one of Ethiopia’s regions or states. We were in the Hugare House.

Our room for the night with 2 twin beds. 

 

The ceiling/roof of our room.

Our entryway to our room which was half of the house.

There was a beautiful fountain in the main entryway of the building where the restaurant was located.

  

Negash Lodge was so beautiful and had paths made of pavers leading to all the homes.

Bringing Dawit Home - Day 1

Here I sit, in the middle of the night, in the hotel room’s bathroom, sitting in the dry bathtub on my computer.  Josh is trying to sleep but of course, my mind is racing and will not let me.  We have been in Ethiopia almost 24 hours and have met our son, Dawit. 

We arrived via Ethiopian Airlines yesterday morning around 7:30 a.m.  After climbing down stairs that were wheeled over to the plane, we took a super short shuttle bus ride to the airport terminal.  Inside, we waited in lines to get our visitor’s Visas, go through immigration, gather our luggage and go through customs.  Then we wheeled our luggage on a cart outside where we met a shuttle van driver from the Friendship International Hotel. 

Fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the hotel and checked in.  When we made it to our room on the 3^rd floor, we showered and attempted a couple hours of sleep. Around 12:30, we woke up and got ready to head to the orphanage.    

We brought 2 suitcases completely full of diapers (disposable and cloth), formula and a few toothbrushes.  We met Alemu (our agency’s on the ground contact) down in the hotel’s lobby at 2 p.m., but not before quickly gulping down to Coke’s in the hotel lobby bar.  Yes, Coke, no Mountain Dew anywhere in country. 

After meeting our driver and loading up his SUV, we drove around 45 minutes to Engida Orphanage.  Both side roads to get to Engida were closed and under construction, so we walked from one of the main roads carrying our backpacks and 2 huge pieces of luggage across a pile of large rocks, a pile of dirt and finally down the road they were working on.

Our driver rang the doorbell and knocked on the metal gate, much like the one my home had in Haiti, and we were greeted by a staff member of the orphanage.  She walked us to the back door and when she opened it, Dawit was sitting right there in the middle of the room on the floor, playing with a toy.

  

We immediately knew it was him.  I went right to him and sat down by him to start playing.  He was rather unsure of us at first.  I tried to sit him in my lap to play with some of the bubbles we brought, but he immediately climbed out and sat in front of me on the floor again. 

For an hour or so, we played with bubbles with the children on the floor, making a mess and cleaning it up with toilet paper.  Josh and I were both covered with bubble solution by the end.  Dawit hadn’t quite mastered blowing into the wand, but I am sure that is soon to come. 

Halfway in, one of the caregivers brought a tray with 6 or 7 Ikea plastic cups and spoons with mashed avocado.  They gave me Dawit’s portion and I tried to feed him but he cried and went to another caregiver.  She came back a few minutes later with baby cereal in a new cup and said he just doesn’t like avocado.  She fed him the cereal just fine with him sitting on the floor in front of her.   

Then I thought I might have smelled a dirty diaper, so a nanny took us upstairs to have his diaper changed, we were able to see his room and three of the other children who were either sleeping or playing upstairs with another nanny.  I think there are a total of 10 children at his orphanage right now… 4 girls and 6 boys.

You will notice when I post pictures after court, that Dawit has many Molluscum open sores on his face and neck.  He is being treated for this and apparently it has gotten better.   He also has a bandage on his finger.  Recently, his finger got caught in a door hinge.  We were told he went to the doctor for it for x-rays and there are no broken bones but I guess his finger nail is pretty damaged and sore.   We haven’t seen it yet and probably won’t till Saturday. 

This morning, we are checking out of our hotel and meeting in the lobby at 8 a.m. to head to an Ethiopian Court for a final hearing in our case.  If the judge is happy with our answers, we will officially be able to say Dawit is ours and FINALLY show pictures of him online.

             

The sights, sounds and smells here are all so similar to what I remember in Port-au-Prince.  Razor wire on the top of cement walls surrounding businesses and homes, right next to homes and buildings made entirely of corrugated sheet metal.  I think the extremes might be bigger here in Ethiopia though.  There is also a TON of construction in Addis, everywhere you look it seems.   Here is a picture of some scaffolding that looks so much like that is shown in “The Prince of Egypt” when the Egyptians force the Israelites to build things for them.  

Our God is Faithful!

We are shouting it from the mountaintops: GOD ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!!

Today, after receiving a suggestive hint from a fellow adoptive mama (thank you Chandra), I called our USCIS Case Officer, Ms. Higgins.  For the first time in 8 months, I reached her directly and did not have to leave a message.  I let her know I was calling to check on our case.  Every other time we have called, she would ask for our super long case number in order to locate our case info in her files.  Today, she immediately said, “oh yeah, I think I just approved your case.”  (Shock and awe and I think I stopped breathing.)  “Let me check.”  I think my heart was beating outside of my chest, it was so loud.  She asked me how I spelled my first name - J-A-C-L-Y-N - and then she found the file.   SHE HAD APPROVED OUR CASE YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tears started flowing immediately and I asked her if she was serious.  “Yes, I sent it to my supervisor this morning for her approval.”  I said, “Praise God!  Thank you so much Officer Higgins for advocating for our son so he can come home.”  Then I asked about a timeline and what’s next.  Our official PAIR letter saying that Dawit has been approved as an orphan and is adoptable by Josh and me should be arriving in 7-10 business days.  I thanked her again and kindly hung up.  I immediately dialed Josh to tell him the amazing news through my sobbing.  As you can imagine, Josh was equally excited!

As soon as I finished my call with Josh, I apologized to the internet technician that was 5 feet away from me throughout these two conversations (I couldn't possibly wait until he left when I heard on Facebook there was a chance our case might be approved).  Poor man had no idea what was going on and why this freaky woman was sobbing so many happy tears in his presence.  Thankfully he was finished with his work and congratulated us on his way out. 

So then I called our social worker from Adoption Associates and shared the good news with her.  She let me know she would contact Alemu (their Ethiopian on the ground contact in Addis) and have him request our court date.  Yes, that’s right, OUR court date.  Meaning we get to travel to meet Dawit and BRING HIM HOME!!  See why we’re so excited?

And you know what?!  There is no reasonable or explainable explanation for why the US Attorney’s office sent our case back to USCIS for approval – except our Strong and Mighty and Faithful Father in Heaven made it happen.  God answers our prayers.  We have been praying for Dawit since before his birth Mother even conceived him.  God knew Dawit would need us as his parents and we would need him as our son.  He has been preparing our family for 3 years and 10 months on this journey so far.

So thank you.  Thank you family and friends for all your many prayers on our behalf.  Thank you for your questions and hugs and conversations and love.  Thank you for your financial support of this endeavor.  For buying t-shirts and bracelets and donating items to garage sales and buying things at our garage sales and supporting my Noonday business/fundraising and flat out giving us checks. Thank you for your support.  You will never know how much this has affected us.  May God bless you all richly.

Praising our Faithful Father,

Josh and Jaclyn

STUCK

On February 23, we submitted more evidence to USCIS, provided by our Adoption Agency, that Dawit is a true orphan.  It was 45 pages long and contained translated documents from 3 different languages.  Although, it did not contain the exact information that USCIS was requesting, it did provide more evidence.

On April 2, having not heard anything at all, I reached out to our assigned USCIS Officer, and learned that our case had been passed along to the US Attorney’s office for review.  We were not given a reason, a timeline, a contact name, or a general idea if this was a positive or negative move.  Since this time, we have felt both helpless and clueless as to how to proceed.  Our agency also has not provided us any guidance.

Speaking of our agency, Adoption Associates, Inc. announced this past Friday that currently they have eleven families with waiting referrals (this includes us).  They are committed to seeing these placements through to the extent that will be possible.  They have come to learn and accept that the Ethiopian government is not moving forward with all aspects of its international adoption program. The approvals of current referral documentation, the actual court processes, and the granting of new referrals are all being affected. There continue to be ongoing insurmountable obstacles. The hands of the representatives are tied as well as those of the agencies.  Unless things dramatically change on the Ethiopian side of things, our agency will be closing its doors to Ethiopian adoptions.  So…we need to get our case moving in a positive direction so that our agency will be able to assist in Dawit’s adoption before they decide that it is not an “extent that will be possible.” 

After a lot of conversations, guidance and prayer, we have reached out to an Immigration Lawyer to assist us in having Dawit declared an orphan and available to adopt.  We have our first consultation with her on May 15. 

We have also just recently contacted an investigator/searcher in Ethiopia to assist us in confirming the details we already know about Dawit and also to attempt to locate a birth mother.      

We have requested assistance from our State Representative Lynn Jenkins as well as both of our State Senators, Pat Roberts and Jerry Moran.  We have not received word from any of these offices; however, the Senators were contacted just this morning.

Meanwhile, Dawit turned 19 months on April 27.  As far as we know, he is healthy and being cared for at an orphanage in Addis Ababa.

Please…pray with us for this process to be quick so he can come home.  Please pray for the 55 or so families that are with our agency now trying to decide how to proceed with their adoptions they have financially and emotionally invested in.  And please pray for the approximately 6 million children in Ethiopia who now have no chance of being loved unconditionally by a forever family.  

In Desperate Need of a Miracle

Our son needs your prayers…now. 

Since our last post, we have submitted more paperwork to the United States to request approval that Dawit is to be declared an orphan.  This paperwork was submitted to them back in September.  For the last 4 months, we have waited and watched from a distance as the US Embassy in Ethiopia scheduled interviews with those involved with Dawit’s case.  Finally, on December 22, the last interview took place.  After this interview, we were expecting a PAIR letter to be mailed to us so we could further the process to bring Dawit home.  Unfortunately, on December 31, we received an email from the Embassy stating that could neither approve nor deny Dawit’s case and that it had been sent back to the USCIS National Benefits Center in the US.  We were devastated.

With the direction of our agency, we contacted our assigned officer at the USCIS NBC office in Lees Summit, MO.  After 5 days of messages, she returned Josh’s call and gave him quite a scripted response.  She will be reviewing Dawit’s case this week and next and will then be reporting her findings to her supervisor.  We should receive a letter in the mail sometime after that with the official decision on whether or not the US will classify Dawit as an orphan and a child who is able to be adopted or not.

This is the first time throughout this process that a “failed referral” has even crossed our minds.  When speaking about Dawit and his case and background on the day of his referral, our case worker said it was a clear cut case with no known issues.  So naturally, we allowed our hearts to attach to him.  We allowed our children to attach to him.  We allowed our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews to attach to him.  We have one set of nephews and a niece that wholeheartedly pray for Dawit at every meal (Thank you Brower kiddos!!).  In all emotional meanings of the word, he IS our son and a part of our family.  

However, right now the US gov’t is not so sure they can classify him as an orphan, which will stop Dawit from becoming part of our family.

PLEASE, join with us in prayer for Dawit and for his case.  Please pray for the Officer assigned to our case, that she would be able to clearly see without a doubt that he is either an orphan or that he is not an orphan (although none of the paperwork we have seen leads us to believe this at all).  Please pray for our hearts and our children’s hearts as we endure the next two weeks of waiting.  

Most importantly, pray that God will be glorified in and throughout all of this.       

Thank you!

A Great Day!!

On Monday, August 25, a day that Josh had off and our three kiddos were in school we received a phone call around 11 a.m. from our case worker, Kris, from Adoption Associates.  This is a moment I have dreamed about for three years and it didn’t go as I had expected at all. 

 

Josh and I were on speaker phone on my cell as Kris gave us the news…they had a referral for us.  She told us all about Dawit, an 11 month old baby boy.  I thought for sure I would be in tears, but I wasn’t.  I think I was somewhat in shock.  I just sat there at the table, taking notes and listening, silent, while Josh responded to Kris on the phone.  She told us all about him and then hung up and sent us several emails with the same information and 7 PICTURES!!!! taken back in May.  Josh and I pretty much knew ahead of time that we would accept any referral that was given to us, so we immediately started to feel our hearts falling in love with this little child. 

Five minutes after getting off the phone, Josh left to pick up our Abigail from preschool.  We quickly agreed that we would share the news with our children at dinner first before anyone else, but as soon as he left, I was bursting with excitement, so I called him and we agreed we could share the news with our parents right away.  Oh the joy of making phone calls!!!

That night, we told the kiddos in a special way….several months ago, I started a craft  (pictured above) with pins and strings outlining the country of Ethiopia several with the idea of adding a heart over the place of our son’s birth.  However, the craft remained unfinished until that day… check out the video here…

 

We are now waiting for one document from our agency and then we can send our paperwork to the USCIS agency here in the USA to start the process again.  We are very hopeful that we will be able to bring him home in 5-6 months.

Some of you have asked how you can help us along this journey.  First and foremost, please pray for Dawit, us, Dawit's caregivers, his birthmother, and all the numerous people involved in making this adoption happen. 

Second, we humbly also ask for your financial support.  There are two fun ways to do this right now...

Any purchases made at www.jaclyncooper.noondaycollection.com will support our adoption.  I started working with Noonday to do something tangible to help prevent children from becoming orphans and I LOVE this "job".  Noonday uses fashion and design to create economic opportunity for artisans in 10 different countries (including Ethiopia).  All profits received will be used for our adoption expenses. 

We will also be having an online auction coming up soon for both a one week vacation and a weekend vacation at a gorgeous 5 bedroom beach home on Lake Michigan in Douglas, MI.  This home sleeps 12 and has plenty of room for sleeping bags as well.  If you are one of the winners of this auction, you will have your choice of dates from May-September 2015 (to be worked out with the homeowners).  We will be having this auction on Facebook so stay tuned.  And please help us spread the word about this awesome vacation opportunity. 

4 Things to do When Coming Home

I read this article today and it is full of great information I completely agree with.  For what it’s worth… 

Four Things To Do When Bringing Home A Child From Hard Places

By Jamie Ivey

When we brought our kids home from Haiti, we didn’t have any close friends that had also brought older children home into their families. The friends we knew were like us and had adopted infants domestically. One of the things that kept me going in those first few months after bringing them home were “friends” that I had met via blogs. I would email them random questions and they were so gracious to listen and encourage me. While we were in our process I had followed a few blogs as they brought their kids home and their honesty in the first few months after their children arrived home was so good for me. On one hand I had read that it wasn’t at all easy in those first few months, but on the other hand you don’t really comprehend that until it’s you in those shoes.

My biggest advice when you bring your kids home is to know that this is a journey. Two steps forward and three steps back is how I look at it. It’s a long and hard journey and if you thought that your wait for your child was grueling, you have no idea what the next few months/years have in store for you. Just as you tell a new mom that eventually her baby will sleep through the night, or that your child will one day be out of diapers, it’s the same with your child from hard places. Eventually they will love you. Eventually they will trust you. Eventually they will look you in your eyes when you talk to them. Eventually, friends.*

1. Create Boundaries

I once had a woman tell me that if you bring home a child that once lived in an orphanage or was in foster care you need to automatically assume that they have been abused physically and or sexually. That’s a hard reality to grasp. Parents want to ignore this and believe that this could not have happened to their child, but you should assume it did until you know that something has not happened to your child. What this means for your family is that you set up boundaries in your home and you discipline differently than you might be used to.

For us, our boundaries looked like this:

• ·         no kids shower or bathe together, ever

• ·         all kids have clothes on at all times around the house, and aren’t running around in  their undies

• ·         no kids share beds with any other kids

• ·         children are not left unsupervised to play – doors stay open at all times

These seem drastic, and for those of you that have never brought children home from hard places this will mean a lifestyle change, but this is to protect every child in your home. It’s not rare for children to run around home in their underwear or bathe together, but I would suggest this stop when you bring your child home.

If your child does exhibit behavior that leads you to believe that something has happened to them, I would suggest contacting a counselor immediately. I would also suggest that you up your boundaries to protect this child and to protect your other children. Also remember it is not your child’s fault. In some cultures children are not protected for sexual images and acts like they are here in ours. It is not their fault.  Love them, and help them learn a new norm. Help shape their new view of family and how we treat each other in our families.

2. Stay Home

This is a hard one for people, and I get it, but I find staying home to be very beneficial for everyone involved. Your child has been yanked out of their country, their home, their environment and thrown into something so strange. Although to us this seems better than where they were for many reasons, it’s still not their home. Even if they were in the worst orphanage ever, it was still their home, and you can expect some changes to be hard on kids. Your child needs to relearn a lot, and constantly being with his/her family is the best way to do that.

If you have been in this process for a long time, you have people that have journeyed with you and feel a part of this story as well. They want to see your son/daughter and love them.  I get that. But here’s the problem with this: your child needs to learn about family. They need to learn who their mom and dad are, and if they are constantly being passed around to lots of different adults this process becomes hard for them. We had visited our son Amos in Haiti for two years consistently, and when we arrived home we still bunkered down. Although he called us Mama & Papa, he had never had a consistent mom and dad, and I’m not even fully convinced that he knew what a mom and dad did or were.  We needed to provide his needs 24/7 just as a new mom and dad do for their infant.  They create a bond of trust and love by meeting those needs, and that is hard to do when lots of people are meeting those needs.

We were strict about it, and asked people not to touch or hug our kids for a while. I know it sounds lame, but our kids needed to receive all their love and affection from us, so they would begin to bond with us. I say all the time that in those first few months had you come over and offered Amos a better deal he would have gone home with you. Yes he loved us, yes we were his parents, but also our bond was still growing, and we needed time to make that stronger.

You will go stir crazy, especially the main care giver. What we did was a lot of trading off. I would go for a run and release some energy while Aaron would stay home. We would get our kids down at night and have a close friend come over to sit with them while we went on a date after they were all asleep. Aaron worked from home a lot and tried to be at every meal during the day. It takes work friends, but this is not forever. It’s a few months. You can do it for the sake of your child.

3. Keep Loving

One of the hardest things for me as a parent was loving a child and not getting love back. I had never experienced this before as my other two kids had been with me since birth – one bio and one domestic adoption – and had always loved me. Story was two when she came home and loved me back as well.  Then I bring home a four-and-a-half year-old that I have known and visited since he was two and he doesn’t always love me. In fact he doesn’t really exhibit love towards me at all. I was not prepared for that one bit, and it hurt. It hurt to the core, because I had pursued this child for years and given him my whole heart and soul and now he doesn’t even care. I cried many tears over this, and it was way harder than I had imagined.

My first instinct was to keep loving. I mean, I’m a grown woman, I know I need to keep loving this child because he is my son. But if I’m completely honest with you, there were some dark days in there when I didn’t want to love him anymore. I was tired. I was exhausted from giving and giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I saw so much ugliness in my heart that I never knew was there and I was full of shame and guilt for the things I thought about my child that I truly did love so much. He pushed every single button I had. I also developed new buttons, and he pushed the heck out of those as well.

But I want to tell you that you can do it. You can muster it up from deep inside of you and you can love this child. Keep pushing towards them. Keep begging God to put that in you. This child needs unconditional love more than anyone in your home right now. They don’t know love like this. They have always had people leave them and not love them. The only way I made it through that first year was Jesus. To be reminded of his love for me as I push and push and push him away, and he always pursues me.  Always loves me.  I want to show that to my child.

4. Pursue Community

Lastly (although I could really come up with about 897 things to tell you), surround yourself with people that you love and trust. You will need people around you that love you unconditionally, support you 110%, and that are trustworthy. You need people that will listen intently to what you are saying and feeling, that won’t judge you, that won’t try to fix you, and that will point you to Jesus. You need people that you can tell them how you are really doing and they won’t give you the look that says “well you wanted this, so suck it up and deal with it”. (Yes, someone said that me once. Ugh.) Find people that have walked this road before and listen to them. They are a few steps in front of you, and can offer you wisdom you can’t imagine that you would need.

Bringing kids home is hard. Heck, bringing an infant home that you birthed is hard, but bringing home kids that have been in hard places is super hard. Adoption is hard. These are just four things that I think are super important in those first few months that you bring your child home. Trust your gut, and follow it. Pray a lot. Also, know that this is a season.  If your routine is jacked up for half a year, it’s okay. It’s worth it for your child. They need you so much right now, even if they act like they don’t!

*I know that just as there are special cases where some kids don’t reach milestones ever in their lives for physical or mental reasons, some kids adopted from hard places don’t meet all these milestones either – but I’m speaking generally here, and most will.

This article was originally posted on jamieivey.com on September 4, 2013.

My Birthday Wish

As most of you know, we have not received a referral yet for our son from Ethiopia.  Many of you have asked why.  My last post gave a small glimpse of what has been going on in Ethiopia lately, but it seems there is a lot more than we will ever know or be able to understand completely.  What we do know is that we need to storm the floodgates of heaven with our prayers right now.  And this is my birthday wish today.  Will you please join me in praying for Ethiopian officials involved in international adoptions? 

There is one official specifically who needs to sign paperwork for EVERY child from the referral stage all the way until there are ready to come home.  Ms. Zenebu Tadesse is the Minister of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MoWCYA).  Please join our family in prayer for her, that her heart would soften towards adoption that she would look favorably on the adoption process and sign paperwork where it is legitimately needed in a timely fashion.

There are so many children “Stuck” in the process right now in Ethiopia.  Please pray on their behalf.  Please pray on behalf of our son. 

Thank you so much for reading and praying with us.   - Jaclyn

Praying for you Daily

Thank you to those who have supported our call by praying for our adoption.  Thank you to those who have supported our call by joining in our fundraising efforts.  Thank you to those of you who have asked about how things are going and how we are doing and how things in Ethiopia are.  Here is a brief update on where we are at. 

We are officially number 12 on our agency’s wait list.  However, for the last 2 months we have been virtually next to receive a referral for our son, meaning I don’t leave my phone too far away.  J 

For the last several months we have been made aware of numerous children already living in orphanages that have been assigned to our agency to adopt when they are “paperwork ready”.  These children are just waiting on physical paperwork to be completed in order for them to be officially ready to be referred to a family.  So our son is definitely in an orphanage, just waiting for his paperwork to be completed so we can receive our referral call (and finally see his picture)!!!!!  So, why the delay?  Why does it take so many months to fill in forms and sign paperwork?  We found out officially today from our agency the following information…. 

One of the documents required in order for a child to be considered adoptable, by Ethiopian law, is the regional clearance. This document has always been required, but in the last several weeks, MOWCYA added two additional requirements for this document.  First of all, they are requiring this document to be signed by the head of the region.  In the past, it could be signed by one of several staff in that office, but now it must be the head.  Secondly, they are requiring a statement such as "this child was not able to be adopted domestically and is approved for an international adoption."  We just found out about this second requirement this week. 

Meanwhile, there appears to be a power struggle going on between MOWCYA and the regional offices. MOWCYA is requiring these things and the regional offices are saying they "have already completed the clearances" and they "do not have the authority to say a child is approved for international adoption; the courts have the authority for this."  The regional offices submitted a letter of argument to MOWCYA earlier this week. 

So the two reasons stated above are the main reasons why there haven’t been any referrals in the last couple months, even when we know our son is there, waiting for us to be matched to him with an official referral.

So we will continue to pray for you each night.  We pray God will protect you from harm and give you strength to stay healthy – physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We love you precious son and miss you more than you will ever know. 

Love,

Mommy & Daddy 

The Apparent Project Partnership - Part 2

The Bracelets are here and WOW…they are beautiful!!  These will make perfect Christmas gifts for any female on your list – Teachers, Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, Nieces, etc.  They also make great Stocking Stuffers!

 

Most of the 150 bracelets we received from Haiti are multi colored in nature like those pictured above.
 
These bracelets are one of a kind, handmade, up cycled, and not only helping Haitians keep their current families together; you are also supporting our adoption from Ethiopia.  You can read more about this from our previous post.  You might ask…where are you in that process now?  We are currently #17 on a list to receive a referral for our son.  We are hopeful that this wonderful phone call will come before Christmas, but if not, we are very expectant that it will be by the end of January.  So we thank you in advance for helping us bring our son home. J

Each bracelet is $10.  To place your order, you can email Jaclyn.cooper@ymail.com with your name and address where you would like your bracelet(s) shipped.  If you live in the Topeka, KS, area we will deliver  them to you.  If you live outside the Topeka area, please add $2 to the total cost for shipping.  If you have specific requests for bracelets, please let us know in your email. 

We can also accept orders via Facebook if that is easier for you. 

Thank you, God Bless and Merry Christmas!!! 

The Apparent Project Partnership

I am super excited to share our latest fundraiser with you as I think this is the best one yet!  We are partnering with an inspiring organization called The Apparent Project to bring these beautiful, one of a kind bracelets to YOU.  

The Apparent Project, based in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, exists to give parents jobs in order to keep their families together.  

You may be surprised to know that very often a child in an orphanage is not there because his or her parents have both died or abandoned him/her. Too often families are forced by poverty to place their children in the care of an orphanage. Many moms and dads desire to keep their families together but due to extreme poverty and harsh living conditions they are unable to do so. This happens around the world.

The Apparent project is working to change that it Haiti.

"In Haiti, poverty and the legacy of slavery have caused a staggering culture of child abandonment and male neglect of family commitments. 70% of labor aged Haitians are unemployed, while those who are employed earn an average annual wage of $400". - The Apparent Project

Because there are still an estimated 147-153 million orphans worldwide there is a great need for families and individuals to foster, adopt, or provide orphan care.

That brings us to our fundraiser! The parents of The Apparent Project make a variety of beautiful handcrafted goods including jewelry created from handmade paper beads.  The paper is mostly from repurposed cereal boxes.  We will be selling bracelets made by the women and men of The Apparent Project. Each bracelet is unique and comes with a card featuring information about the artist who made your bracelet.

Bracelets are available for $10. The best part? You will be helping TWO ways.  Your purchase provides jobs (and keeps families together) in Haiti AND helps us bring a child OUT of an orphanage to his family! How often does $10 do all that?!

If you would like one (or more!) of these gorgeous bracelets contact us through email (Jaclyn.cooper@ymail.com), Facebook, this blog, call us, etc.  We can ship too! Just add $2 to cover shipping costs please! 

• Spread the word! Let your circle of friends, church, bible study group, work, anyone know about these bracelets. They make great Christmas gifts, teacher gifts, co-worker gifts, etc. 
• Pray! Use the bracelet as a reminder to pray for orphans, our adoption, and the families in The Apparent Project! 

Thank you so much for your support and prayers!!