Our God is Faithful!

We are shouting it from the mountaintops: GOD ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!!

Today, after receiving a suggestive hint from a fellow adoptive mama (thank you Chandra), I called our USCIS Case Officer, Ms. Higgins.  For the first time in 8 months, I reached her directly and did not have to leave a message.  I let her know I was calling to check on our case.  Every other time we have called, she would ask for our super long case number in order to locate our case info in her files.  Today, she immediately said, “oh yeah, I think I just approved your case.”  (Shock and awe and I think I stopped breathing.)  “Let me check.”  I think my heart was beating outside of my chest, it was so loud.  She asked me how I spelled my first name - J-A-C-L-Y-N - and then she found the file.   SHE HAD APPROVED OUR CASE YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Tears started flowing immediately and I asked her if she was serious.  “Yes, I sent it to my supervisor this morning for her approval.”  I said, “Praise God!  Thank you so much Officer Higgins for advocating for our son so he can come home.”  Then I asked about a timeline and what’s next.  Our official PAIR letter saying that Dawit has been approved as an orphan and is adoptable by Josh and me should be arriving in 7-10 business days.  I thanked her again and kindly hung up.  I immediately dialed Josh to tell him the amazing news through my sobbing.  As you can imagine, Josh was equally excited!

As soon as I finished my call with Josh, I apologized to the internet technician that was 5 feet away from me throughout these two conversations (I couldn't possibly wait until he left when I heard on Facebook there was a chance our case might be approved).  Poor man had no idea what was going on and why this freaky woman was sobbing so many happy tears in his presence.  Thankfully he was finished with his work and congratulated us on his way out. 

So then I called our social worker from Adoption Associates and shared the good news with her.  She let me know she would contact Alemu (their Ethiopian on the ground contact in Addis) and have him request our court date.  Yes, that’s right, OUR court date.  Meaning we get to travel to meet Dawit and BRING HIM HOME!!  See why we’re so excited?

And you know what?!  There is no reasonable or explainable explanation for why the US Attorney’s office sent our case back to USCIS for approval – except our Strong and Mighty and Faithful Father in Heaven made it happen.  God answers our prayers.  We have been praying for Dawit since before his birth Mother even conceived him.  God knew Dawit would need us as his parents and we would need him as our son.  He has been preparing our family for 3 years and 10 months on this journey so far.

So thank you.  Thank you family and friends for all your many prayers on our behalf.  Thank you for your questions and hugs and conversations and love.  Thank you for your financial support of this endeavor.  For buying t-shirts and bracelets and donating items to garage sales and buying things at our garage sales and supporting my Noonday business/fundraising and flat out giving us checks. Thank you for your support.  You will never know how much this has affected us.  May God bless you all richly.

Praising our Faithful Father,

Josh and Jaclyn

STUCK

On February 23, we submitted more evidence to USCIS, provided by our Adoption Agency, that Dawit is a true orphan.  It was 45 pages long and contained translated documents from 3 different languages.  Although, it did not contain the exact information that USCIS was requesting, it did provide more evidence.

On April 2, having not heard anything at all, I reached out to our assigned USCIS Officer, and learned that our case had been passed along to the US Attorney’s office for review.  We were not given a reason, a timeline, a contact name, or a general idea if this was a positive or negative move.  Since this time, we have felt both helpless and clueless as to how to proceed.  Our agency also has not provided us any guidance.

Speaking of our agency, Adoption Associates, Inc. announced this past Friday that currently they have eleven families with waiting referrals (this includes us).  They are committed to seeing these placements through to the extent that will be possible.  They have come to learn and accept that the Ethiopian government is not moving forward with all aspects of its international adoption program. The approvals of current referral documentation, the actual court processes, and the granting of new referrals are all being affected. There continue to be ongoing insurmountable obstacles. The hands of the representatives are tied as well as those of the agencies.  Unless things dramatically change on the Ethiopian side of things, our agency will be closing its doors to Ethiopian adoptions.  So…we need to get our case moving in a positive direction so that our agency will be able to assist in Dawit’s adoption before they decide that it is not an “extent that will be possible.” 

After a lot of conversations, guidance and prayer, we have reached out to an Immigration Lawyer to assist us in having Dawit declared an orphan and available to adopt.  We have our first consultation with her on May 15. 

We have also just recently contacted an investigator/searcher in Ethiopia to assist us in confirming the details we already know about Dawit and also to attempt to locate a birth mother.      

We have requested assistance from our State Representative Lynn Jenkins as well as both of our State Senators, Pat Roberts and Jerry Moran.  We have not received word from any of these offices; however, the Senators were contacted just this morning.

Meanwhile, Dawit turned 19 months on April 27.  As far as we know, he is healthy and being cared for at an orphanage in Addis Ababa.

Please…pray with us for this process to be quick so he can come home.  Please pray for the 55 or so families that are with our agency now trying to decide how to proceed with their adoptions they have financially and emotionally invested in.  And please pray for the approximately 6 million children in Ethiopia who now have no chance of being loved unconditionally by a forever family.  

In Desperate Need of a Miracle

Our son needs your prayers…now. 

Since our last post, we have submitted more paperwork to the United States to request approval that Dawit is to be declared an orphan.  This paperwork was submitted to them back in September.  For the last 4 months, we have waited and watched from a distance as the US Embassy in Ethiopia scheduled interviews with those involved with Dawit’s case.  Finally, on December 22, the last interview took place.  After this interview, we were expecting a PAIR letter to be mailed to us so we could further the process to bring Dawit home.  Unfortunately, on December 31, we received an email from the Embassy stating that could neither approve nor deny Dawit’s case and that it had been sent back to the USCIS National Benefits Center in the US.  We were devastated.

With the direction of our agency, we contacted our assigned officer at the USCIS NBC office in Lees Summit, MO.  After 5 days of messages, she returned Josh’s call and gave him quite a scripted response.  She will be reviewing Dawit’s case this week and next and will then be reporting her findings to her supervisor.  We should receive a letter in the mail sometime after that with the official decision on whether or not the US will classify Dawit as an orphan and a child who is able to be adopted or not.

This is the first time throughout this process that a “failed referral” has even crossed our minds.  When speaking about Dawit and his case and background on the day of his referral, our case worker said it was a clear cut case with no known issues.  So naturally, we allowed our hearts to attach to him.  We allowed our children to attach to him.  We allowed our parents and siblings and nieces and nephews to attach to him.  We have one set of nephews and a niece that wholeheartedly pray for Dawit at every meal (Thank you Brower kiddos!!).  In all emotional meanings of the word, he IS our son and a part of our family.  

However, right now the US gov’t is not so sure they can classify him as an orphan, which will stop Dawit from becoming part of our family.

PLEASE, join with us in prayer for Dawit and for his case.  Please pray for the Officer assigned to our case, that she would be able to clearly see without a doubt that he is either an orphan or that he is not an orphan (although none of the paperwork we have seen leads us to believe this at all).  Please pray for our hearts and our children’s hearts as we endure the next two weeks of waiting.  

Most importantly, pray that God will be glorified in and throughout all of this.       

Thank you!

A Great Day!!

On Monday, August 25, a day that Josh had off and our three kiddos were in school we received a phone call around 11 a.m. from our case worker, Kris, from Adoption Associates.  This is a moment I have dreamed about for three years and it didn’t go as I had expected at all. 

 

Josh and I were on speaker phone on my cell as Kris gave us the news…they had a referral for us.  She told us all about Dawit, an 11 month old baby boy.  I thought for sure I would be in tears, but I wasn’t.  I think I was somewhat in shock.  I just sat there at the table, taking notes and listening, silent, while Josh responded to Kris on the phone.  She told us all about him and then hung up and sent us several emails with the same information and 7 PICTURES!!!! taken back in May.  Josh and I pretty much knew ahead of time that we would accept any referral that was given to us, so we immediately started to feel our hearts falling in love with this little child. 

Five minutes after getting off the phone, Josh left to pick up our Abigail from preschool.  We quickly agreed that we would share the news with our children at dinner first before anyone else, but as soon as he left, I was bursting with excitement, so I called him and we agreed we could share the news with our parents right away.  Oh the joy of making phone calls!!!

That night, we told the kiddos in a special way….several months ago, I started a craft  (pictured above) with pins and strings outlining the country of Ethiopia several with the idea of adding a heart over the place of our son’s birth.  However, the craft remained unfinished until that day… check out the video here…

 

We are now waiting for one document from our agency and then we can send our paperwork to the USCIS agency here in the USA to start the process again.  We are very hopeful that we will be able to bring him home in 5-6 months.

Some of you have asked how you can help us along this journey.  First and foremost, please pray for Dawit, us, Dawit's caregivers, his birthmother, and all the numerous people involved in making this adoption happen. 

Second, we humbly also ask for your financial support.  There are two fun ways to do this right now...

Any purchases made at www.jaclyncooper.noondaycollection.com will support our adoption.  I started working with Noonday to do something tangible to help prevent children from becoming orphans and I LOVE this "job".  Noonday uses fashion and design to create economic opportunity for artisans in 10 different countries (including Ethiopia).  All profits received will be used for our adoption expenses. 

We will also be having an online auction coming up soon for both a one week vacation and a weekend vacation at a gorgeous 5 bedroom beach home on Lake Michigan in Douglas, MI.  This home sleeps 12 and has plenty of room for sleeping bags as well.  If you are one of the winners of this auction, you will have your choice of dates from May-September 2015 (to be worked out with the homeowners).  We will be having this auction on Facebook so stay tuned.  And please help us spread the word about this awesome vacation opportunity. 

4 Things to do When Coming Home

I read this article today and it is full of great information I completely agree with.  For what it’s worth… 

Four Things To Do When Bringing Home A Child From Hard Places

By Jamie Ivey

When we brought our kids home from Haiti, we didn’t have any close friends that had also brought older children home into their families. The friends we knew were like us and had adopted infants domestically. One of the things that kept me going in those first few months after bringing them home were “friends” that I had met via blogs. I would email them random questions and they were so gracious to listen and encourage me. While we were in our process I had followed a few blogs as they brought their kids home and their honesty in the first few months after their children arrived home was so good for me. On one hand I had read that it wasn’t at all easy in those first few months, but on the other hand you don’t really comprehend that until it’s you in those shoes.

My biggest advice when you bring your kids home is to know that this is a journey. Two steps forward and three steps back is how I look at it. It’s a long and hard journey and if you thought that your wait for your child was grueling, you have no idea what the next few months/years have in store for you. Just as you tell a new mom that eventually her baby will sleep through the night, or that your child will one day be out of diapers, it’s the same with your child from hard places. Eventually they will love you. Eventually they will trust you. Eventually they will look you in your eyes when you talk to them. Eventually, friends.*

1. Create Boundaries

I once had a woman tell me that if you bring home a child that once lived in an orphanage or was in foster care you need to automatically assume that they have been abused physically and or sexually. That’s a hard reality to grasp. Parents want to ignore this and believe that this could not have happened to their child, but you should assume it did until you know that something has not happened to your child. What this means for your family is that you set up boundaries in your home and you discipline differently than you might be used to.

For us, our boundaries looked like this:

• ·         no kids shower or bathe together, ever

• ·         all kids have clothes on at all times around the house, and aren’t running around in  their undies

• ·         no kids share beds with any other kids

• ·         children are not left unsupervised to play – doors stay open at all times

These seem drastic, and for those of you that have never brought children home from hard places this will mean a lifestyle change, but this is to protect every child in your home. It’s not rare for children to run around home in their underwear or bathe together, but I would suggest this stop when you bring your child home.

If your child does exhibit behavior that leads you to believe that something has happened to them, I would suggest contacting a counselor immediately. I would also suggest that you up your boundaries to protect this child and to protect your other children. Also remember it is not your child’s fault. In some cultures children are not protected for sexual images and acts like they are here in ours. It is not their fault.  Love them, and help them learn a new norm. Help shape their new view of family and how we treat each other in our families.

2. Stay Home

This is a hard one for people, and I get it, but I find staying home to be very beneficial for everyone involved. Your child has been yanked out of their country, their home, their environment and thrown into something so strange. Although to us this seems better than where they were for many reasons, it’s still not their home. Even if they were in the worst orphanage ever, it was still their home, and you can expect some changes to be hard on kids. Your child needs to relearn a lot, and constantly being with his/her family is the best way to do that.

If you have been in this process for a long time, you have people that have journeyed with you and feel a part of this story as well. They want to see your son/daughter and love them.  I get that. But here’s the problem with this: your child needs to learn about family. They need to learn who their mom and dad are, and if they are constantly being passed around to lots of different adults this process becomes hard for them. We had visited our son Amos in Haiti for two years consistently, and when we arrived home we still bunkered down. Although he called us Mama & Papa, he had never had a consistent mom and dad, and I’m not even fully convinced that he knew what a mom and dad did or were.  We needed to provide his needs 24/7 just as a new mom and dad do for their infant.  They create a bond of trust and love by meeting those needs, and that is hard to do when lots of people are meeting those needs.

We were strict about it, and asked people not to touch or hug our kids for a while. I know it sounds lame, but our kids needed to receive all their love and affection from us, so they would begin to bond with us. I say all the time that in those first few months had you come over and offered Amos a better deal he would have gone home with you. Yes he loved us, yes we were his parents, but also our bond was still growing, and we needed time to make that stronger.

You will go stir crazy, especially the main care giver. What we did was a lot of trading off. I would go for a run and release some energy while Aaron would stay home. We would get our kids down at night and have a close friend come over to sit with them while we went on a date after they were all asleep. Aaron worked from home a lot and tried to be at every meal during the day. It takes work friends, but this is not forever. It’s a few months. You can do it for the sake of your child.

3. Keep Loving

One of the hardest things for me as a parent was loving a child and not getting love back. I had never experienced this before as my other two kids had been with me since birth – one bio and one domestic adoption – and had always loved me. Story was two when she came home and loved me back as well.  Then I bring home a four-and-a-half year-old that I have known and visited since he was two and he doesn’t always love me. In fact he doesn’t really exhibit love towards me at all. I was not prepared for that one bit, and it hurt. It hurt to the core, because I had pursued this child for years and given him my whole heart and soul and now he doesn’t even care. I cried many tears over this, and it was way harder than I had imagined.

My first instinct was to keep loving. I mean, I’m a grown woman, I know I need to keep loving this child because he is my son. But if I’m completely honest with you, there were some dark days in there when I didn’t want to love him anymore. I was tired. I was exhausted from giving and giving and giving and getting nothing in return. I saw so much ugliness in my heart that I never knew was there and I was full of shame and guilt for the things I thought about my child that I truly did love so much. He pushed every single button I had. I also developed new buttons, and he pushed the heck out of those as well.

But I want to tell you that you can do it. You can muster it up from deep inside of you and you can love this child. Keep pushing towards them. Keep begging God to put that in you. This child needs unconditional love more than anyone in your home right now. They don’t know love like this. They have always had people leave them and not love them. The only way I made it through that first year was Jesus. To be reminded of his love for me as I push and push and push him away, and he always pursues me.  Always loves me.  I want to show that to my child.

4. Pursue Community

Lastly (although I could really come up with about 897 things to tell you), surround yourself with people that you love and trust. You will need people around you that love you unconditionally, support you 110%, and that are trustworthy. You need people that will listen intently to what you are saying and feeling, that won’t judge you, that won’t try to fix you, and that will point you to Jesus. You need people that you can tell them how you are really doing and they won’t give you the look that says “well you wanted this, so suck it up and deal with it”. (Yes, someone said that me once. Ugh.) Find people that have walked this road before and listen to them. They are a few steps in front of you, and can offer you wisdom you can’t imagine that you would need.

Bringing kids home is hard. Heck, bringing an infant home that you birthed is hard, but bringing home kids that have been in hard places is super hard. Adoption is hard. These are just four things that I think are super important in those first few months that you bring your child home. Trust your gut, and follow it. Pray a lot. Also, know that this is a season.  If your routine is jacked up for half a year, it’s okay. It’s worth it for your child. They need you so much right now, even if they act like they don’t!

*I know that just as there are special cases where some kids don’t reach milestones ever in their lives for physical or mental reasons, some kids adopted from hard places don’t meet all these milestones either – but I’m speaking generally here, and most will.

This article was originally posted on jamieivey.com on September 4, 2013.