I want to take a moment to give a shout out to my small (but devout) blog readers to ask for your prayer and financial support for Our Beautiful Mission. Our next door neighbors (and very dear friends of ours) - Bryan and Anita Geurink - have responded to God's calling on their lives to live as missionaries at Beautiful Gate orphanage in Maseru, Lesotho (South Africa) to be the hands and feet and voice of Jesus Christ to His children at the orphanage.
Jaclyn and I fully support God's calling on their lives as they prepare to run the day to day operations at Beautiful Gate for the next five years. This is no small endeavour and I'd like for you to prayerfully consider making a financial commitment on their behalf today.
You can check out their story and get more information by going to:
http://ourbeautifulmission.blogspot.com/
For more information about the orphanage, go to:
www.beautifulgate.org
Grace & Peace.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
naivety & shifting responsibility
Well I believe I was a little overly optimistic about blogging my way entirely through Forni's book, Choosing Civility, for this summer project. Due to time constraints (and the fact that I'm going camping next week) I have decided skip to the end of the book (hey...it's my blog and I can do what I want) to talk about shifting blame and dodging responsibility.
Rule #25 - Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame. Throughout the entire book I've had the feeling that somebody beat Forni to this list of civility guidelines. And I was right! Back in 1990, Robert Fulghum wrote a little (but highly successful) book called All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Here's what Fulghum says: "Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the
sandpile at Sunday School." Wisdom is found in the "sandpile at Sunday School." I don't know about you, but I like that. It's humbling because I have two master's degrees, but it's so true. Accepting responsibility and blame has been one of the most difficult lessons I have been teaching my children. Like a broken record, I hear from their little lips, "But he/she _________ me first!" You know, I'm not surprised by this. Thus is the nature of children when left to their own, but unlike broken records, I try to respond differently than the standard, "Well, I'm going to end it." Rather, I tell my kids to own it - to own what they did and accept their punishment (or reward).
Here are the things that Fulghum learned in kindergarten (and I wonder if most of the problems we have in the church today could be worked out if we followed these simple guidelines):
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody
really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even
the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books
and the first word you learned - the biggest
word of all - LOOK.
He closes with this thought...
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.
Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any of those items and extrapolate it into
sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your
family life or your work or your government or
your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
Think what a better world it would be if
all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about
three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with
our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments
had a basic policy to always put thing back where
they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old you
are - when you go out into the world, it is best
to hold hands and stick together.
© Robert Fulghum, 1990.
Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7.
Rule #25 - Don't Shift Responsibility and Blame. Throughout the entire book I've had the feeling that somebody beat Forni to this list of civility guidelines. And I was right! Back in 1990, Robert Fulghum wrote a little (but highly successful) book called All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Here's what Fulghum says: "Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the
sandpile at Sunday School." Wisdom is found in the "sandpile at Sunday School." I don't know about you, but I like that. It's humbling because I have two master's degrees, but it's so true. Accepting responsibility and blame has been one of the most difficult lessons I have been teaching my children. Like a broken record, I hear from their little lips, "But he/she _________ me first!" You know, I'm not surprised by this. Thus is the nature of children when left to their own, but unlike broken records, I try to respond differently than the standard, "Well, I'm going to end it." Rather, I tell my kids to own it - to own what they did and accept their punishment (or reward).
Here are the things that Fulghum learned in kindergarten (and I wonder if most of the problems we have in the church today could be worked out if we followed these simple guidelines):
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup:
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody
really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even
the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books
and the first word you learned - the biggest
word of all - LOOK.
He closes with this thought...
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.
Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.
Take any of those items and extrapolate it into
sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your
family life or your work or your government or
your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
Think what a better world it would be if
all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about
three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with
our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments
had a basic policy to always put thing back where
they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old you
are - when you go out into the world, it is best
to hold hands and stick together.
© Robert Fulghum, 1990.
Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
the gift of praise
In the book Choosing Civility, Rule #8 is Give and Accept Praise. Just this morning I overheard a conversation between co-laborers in Christ about a mutual aquaintance who pleaded with her father to give her praise when he saw her parenting well instead of continually criticizing her for all the "wrong" things she does. "Please," she pleaded, "just tell me when you see me doing something right!" This woman's plea is our plea for affirmation; for a job well done; for a kind gesture; or a Godly word.
One of my mentor's is really good at giving praise. And what I really appreciate about his praise is that it is frequent and genuine. I really don't think the man can help himself. My wife and I will miss an upcoming congregational vote to purchase a piece of property for the church we are members of, and so I emailed him to let him know that we were going to be gone on that particular Sunday, but we vote "yes" in favor of the property purchase.
Here was his response (I post this not because I'm drawing attention to myself - I'm really not. This is an excellent example of how pastors - or anyone who oversees others - should think of others)...
"Josh – Can’t wait to see you – hope that it is soon – I will be going to Arkansas on a family mission trip next week. Appreciate who you are and what you do in our midst as a church family. You are a deep blessing."
I wrote to him about casting our vote. He responded with a word that lifted me up and set the tone for my day. This is the kind of gift where the only appropriate response is a simple and heartfelt, "Thank you."
One of my mentor's is really good at giving praise. And what I really appreciate about his praise is that it is frequent and genuine. I really don't think the man can help himself. My wife and I will miss an upcoming congregational vote to purchase a piece of property for the church we are members of, and so I emailed him to let him know that we were going to be gone on that particular Sunday, but we vote "yes" in favor of the property purchase.
Here was his response (I post this not because I'm drawing attention to myself - I'm really not. This is an excellent example of how pastors - or anyone who oversees others - should think of others)...
"Josh – Can’t wait to see you – hope that it is soon – I will be going to Arkansas on a family mission trip next week. Appreciate who you are and what you do in our midst as a church family. You are a deep blessing."
I wrote to him about casting our vote. He responded with a word that lifted me up and set the tone for my day. This is the kind of gift where the only appropriate response is a simple and heartfelt, "Thank you."
speak kindly & give praise
Rule #7 in Choosing Civility is Don't Speak Ill. It is framed negatively of Rule #6 which is to Speak Kindly. The memories I carry with me related to speaking ill of others are long car rides with our two children in the back strapped in next to each other, and as any parent well knows, it always begins with name calling.
"Meanie," he says.
"Poopyhead," she retorts.
"You're a boy!" is his comeback.
"Oh yeah, you're a princess!" she declares.
Name calling leads to hitting and kicking (and sometimes spitting). But it always - in the end - leads to hurt feelings and one or both of the kids cries. It's inevitable. It's unavoidable. And there's nothing that can be done. Can't reason with them. Polite rebukes don't work. Threats are pointless (you know - the kind where you look in the rear view mirror and point at your children telling them to "cut it out" hoping they can see just how serious you are and all the while you are wearing sunglasses). We as parents are seriously ridiculous sometimes. Could stop the car, but what's the point?!?!? There must be some unwritten law that says when a family goes on a road trip, the kids in the back of van must get on each other's nerves. Must. Our solution - distraction. Put in another DVD or see who can find something orange first.
I say all of this to say that it's more important to praise our kids when we see them interacting and speaking well to one another in order to encourage more good behavior. Kids really can't help themselves because they are not as able to see the world as being bigger than themselves. As adults, I believe we have more options available to us when someone is not speaking very kindly about another person. And let's not foll ourselves by pretending that we don't name call or bash others - because we do. We're just craftier and more secretive than our kids.
"Did you know So-and-so is 8 weeks pregnant? You wouldn't believe who the father is!"
"So-and-so didn't put any time into the project, yet took all the credit. He's such a _______________."
When faced with situatios where we want to speak ill about someone or find ourselves brought into a conversation about another - certainly we could leave the situation. Or we could remain silent, but then we run the risk of inadvertently giving approval of what is being said when in fact we disapprove. Or maybe, just maybe, a distraction is what we need to redirect the conversation. Works for my kids.
"Meanie," he says.
"Poopyhead," she retorts.
"You're a boy!" is his comeback.
"Oh yeah, you're a princess!" she declares.
Name calling leads to hitting and kicking (and sometimes spitting). But it always - in the end - leads to hurt feelings and one or both of the kids cries. It's inevitable. It's unavoidable. And there's nothing that can be done. Can't reason with them. Polite rebukes don't work. Threats are pointless (you know - the kind where you look in the rear view mirror and point at your children telling them to "cut it out" hoping they can see just how serious you are and all the while you are wearing sunglasses). We as parents are seriously ridiculous sometimes. Could stop the car, but what's the point?!?!? There must be some unwritten law that says when a family goes on a road trip, the kids in the back of van must get on each other's nerves. Must. Our solution - distraction. Put in another DVD or see who can find something orange first.
I say all of this to say that it's more important to praise our kids when we see them interacting and speaking well to one another in order to encourage more good behavior. Kids really can't help themselves because they are not as able to see the world as being bigger than themselves. As adults, I believe we have more options available to us when someone is not speaking very kindly about another person. And let's not foll ourselves by pretending that we don't name call or bash others - because we do. We're just craftier and more secretive than our kids.
"Did you know So-and-so is 8 weeks pregnant? You wouldn't believe who the father is!"
"So-and-so didn't put any time into the project, yet took all the credit. He's such a _______________."
When faced with situatios where we want to speak ill about someone or find ourselves brought into a conversation about another - certainly we could leave the situation. Or we could remain silent, but then we run the risk of inadvertently giving approval of what is being said when in fact we disapprove. Or maybe, just maybe, a distraction is what we need to redirect the conversation. Works for my kids.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
barbara brown-taylor on our relationship to scripture
My own experience has taught me the value of regular and intentional study. My relationship with the Bible is not a romance but a marriage, and one I am willing to work on in all the usual ways: by living with the text day in and day out, by listening to it and talking back to it, by making sure I know what is behind the words it speaks to me and being certain I have heard it properly, by refusing to distance myself from the parts of it I do not like or understand, by letting my love for it show up in the everyday acts of my life. The Bible is not an object for me; it is a partner whose presence blesses me, challenges me, and affects everything I do (The Preaching Life, 56).
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