guitar baby :: too funny not to share

father's day lament

So Father's Day is just two days away and while I don't have time at the moment to tell all of you what my father means to me (but I will...I promise), I thought I'd pull this out of the archives to share.  Enjoy!

Lamentations of the Father

For the fathers out there - can you relate?

caution :: do not to go to seminary

Just a few months ago, I officially graduated from seminary which means that I've in a reflective mood.  It must be that I'm missing writing papers or something.  But, as an "older" and supposedly more "mature" student among many recent college graduates, I realized that I might actually have some wisdom to share with a younger generation.

So, as I began to reflect on my 4.5 year journey through seminary - yes, I said 4.5 years - have concluded that while many become seminary students because they are called to serve as pastors or missionaries or chaplains, there are some really good reasons not to go to seminary.  Oh, and by the way, I am attempting some mild humor here.

My first piece of wisdom is: do not go to seminary...

1. ...because you want to be debt-free.

2. ...because your favorite popular pod-casted preacher is adjunct faculty there.

3. ...because you love to write theological treatises.

4. ...because you love to sleep in a library cubicle.

5. ...because your parents named you John or Calvin or Wesley (after John Calvin or John Wesley).

6. ...because you want to get an educational tax credit.

7. ...if you think the world needs more unemployed Ph.D. candidates.

8. ...because you look forward to Spring Break.

9. ...because you once thought to yourself: "Wouldn't it be really cool to read the Bible in it's original language?"!

10. ...if you are really good at making a living doing something else.  This last one isn't all that funny, but it is some of the best advice I was given.

So, what are some more reasons for not going to seminary?

too funny

Beware of the Doghouse

Friday Humor

When my back seized up, I called my doctor's office, explaining that I was a minister and was in too much pain to deliver my sermon. Could they help?

The woman on the other end asked me to hold. The next thing I heard was a loud voice announcing, "I have a minister on the phone who can't stand to preach!"

~Gilbert Vieira from Reader's Digest

Lamentations of the Father

Lamentations of the Father (audio file) by humorist Ian Frazier.

A Little Catholic Humor

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an Exxon station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned
out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful,
Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with
gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

Pasta Parmesan

Permit me to ask a question - why sprinkle cheese on your spaghetti when you can put your spaghetti on your cheese? A revolutionary culinary idea was birthed when our son put his spaghetti in the parmesan cheese container. Move over Chef Boyardee, here comes Chefboyar-E.

Manlaws

I am intrigued by the Manlaw commercials on television. One day these "laws" may be useful for a humorous sermon illustration. Here are some of my favorite "manlaws":

1. Under no circumstances is a man allowed to sing along to a song sung by a female vocalist.

2. Whenever possible a man must not use the urinal or stall next to another man.

3. Regardless of the name, a man does not visit a manicurist.

4. Under no circumstances shall a man say the words "Let's take my scooter."

5. In an elevator a man shall never face anywhere but toward the doors.

6. Acquire tans by accident, never by credit card.

7. At no time may a man touch another man's BBQ or BBQ accessories.

8. Regardless of searing pain, no man shall alter his stride over hot sand.

9. Under no circumstances should a man ride "shot-gun" in his own ride (I thought of this one!).