be inclusive

As I read Forni's chapter on being inclusive, I'm reminded of a simple truth that I'll call the Law of the In-Laws. There are no hard and fast rules to this law, but it has been my experience and I have observed that the "in-law" will never completely fit in with the family. There will always be a hint or a glimmer or a remnant of this feeling that they just don't fit in.

There are three reasons (two anthropological and one theological) as to why I think this happens. The first is that our history with the "in-laws" is shorter as compared to our spouses. If you are married, you are an "in-law" which means that you are at least 20 years (or more) behind in that family history for which you will never be able to catch up on. They have history with one another prior to our coming along and joining the family. Those bonds and social networks and interactions have already been forged and some sort of equilibrium has been established before you said "I do." So history is the first reason why there will not be a complete and total fit. The second reason, related to the first, is that we have our own families of origin who raised us and nurtured us and taught us and disciplined us and accepts us for who we are as a person. A simple example would be that I don't call my father-in-law when I want to talk to a father-like figure about life. I call my dad. I don't hug my father-in-law the same way I hug my dad and tell him how much I love him.

The third reason is sin. Just flat out sin.

Even in Christian families I've witnessed this law at work. Though we are all "one in Christ" there is still a remnant of exclusivity that looms in the air - silent, odorless, and invisible to the naked eye. But it's there.

Here's a word to the "in-laws" who feel like they are the "out-laws" in the family. Kill 'em with kindness. Don't wait for them to intiate a conversation or to ask you to join them for a night out. Rather, be the initiator, even if it feels awkward or stupid. Every act of kindness matters.