pay attention & acknowledge others

I'm a little behind on my interaction with Choosing Civility by P.M Forni. No matter...pressing forward, I offer you the first two "rules" (of 25) of civilized conduct. Rule #1 - Pay Attention. Let me just ask, "Just how much do we pay attention throughout the course of one day?" How much do we pay attention to others, our surroundings, other voices, our thoughts and feelings? My daily commute to Byron Center takes me about 25 minutes via the more scenic route. I remember the first couple of days I noticed so many different things en route, like the house with a junk yard next to a mansion on a hill; like the perfectly parallel rows of crops beginning to take root in the soil; like the smell of chickens as I approach the chicken hatchery between Burnips and Jamestown. Forni contends, "We spend much of our daily lives neglecting to pay attention...When we relate to the world as if we were on automatic pilot, we can hardly be at our best in encounters with our fellow human beings" (36-7).

Rule #2 - Acknowledge Others - is closely related to the first. I envision both of these rules as being more "other-focused" or external to myself. Surely I must pay attention to myself, my thoughts, my feelings and attitudes at times as Forni suggests, "At times we will be turned inward, unavailable to others, protective of our space and frame of mind. And that's all right" (43). But too much of me is not a good thing.

Here's where I see these two principles most active in my life. I am the father of three wonderful children. Anyone who has children or cares for those who cannot completely care for themselves will relate to what I'm about to say. My children are starving for my attention and affection. Not a single day goes by where one of them doesn't say, "Daddy look! Look Daddy! See what I can do! Aren't you proud of me?" I love those moments but also confess that sometimes I get annoyed because if I don't look right away their volume and intensity gets louder and louder until I actually stop what it is I may or may not be doing at the time and be attentive to them. When I acknowledge my children, they feel valued and loved.

We, and when I say "we" I really mean "me," would be wise and well to slow ourselves down enough be attentive to our surroundings and the people near to us and get outside of ourselves enough to let them know that we value their presence in our lives.